On Love and Everything that Comes with it – Conversations with a Friend

I smell it like newly brewed coffee

Ahhh, I smell the aroma of Valentine’s Day in the air. I see all the signs that it’s near! Hearts on mall windows, bears, balloons, confetti, and people panic buying flowers. You name it! We’re slowly being invaded by capitalism! OR I think I just got dizzy at one point just looking at all the red and pink crepe and art paper décor at one of the bookstores I visit on weekends.

No, I am not bitter about this whole V Day thing. In fact, I like this day. I like to do some people-watching and observe the sudden change on human behavior on this very special occasion. Interestingly there is an increase in the number of couples doing WWHHWS (Walking While Holding Hands While Swaying for the not so knowing ones), guys rushing in and out of malls with about three dozen roses wrapped in crisp wrappers, and who could ever ignore the twinkling eyes of men in suits that screams “I’m-good-looking-irrisistable” talking on their mobile phones throwing back their heads in mute laughter while walking. Sometimes I have this urge to “accidentally” make them trip and see if the twinkly eyes will still be there as they do a face plant on the shiny mall floor. Just wondering. I know that this day just comes once a year and ho and behold people of the world! It’s a leap year! (Girls out there!! Eherm, take your chance! Or wait another four years!) But is this the only day in a year should we celebrate L-O-V-E?

50mb worth of conversation and still counting

My answer to this question came in a form of about roughly three weeks of online conversations with a friend. A self actualization has taken place and told me he broke up with his then girlfriend and left the relationship with little bit of everything; guilt, anger, exasperation, emotions that came with the break up which could possible drain the living daylights out of a person.

He surprised me as well with a revelation that he met a girl and he thinks she’s the ONE (yes, my friend seems to have a great turnaround time, I envy him). His voice did a 360 degree turn and I almost thought I actually heard fireworks coming out of his words. I didn’t know if I actually wanted to raise my hand in the air and scream “booyah!!congratulations!!” OR to slap him. The latter made more sense to me at that time, but when he started telling me everything over the course of three weeks, and almost 50mb worth of online conversation saved in my computer, I am totally convinced that NO, it’s not an infatuation and NO, this is definitely no rebound, the guy is really IN LOVE (still I didn’t raise my hand and scream, but I did more than that).

With all the things we’ve talked about (the whole 50mb and still counting) light bulb moments were bound to happen and so discussions ensued, giving me some hard facts that is so true that we refuse to accept it or it’s just a foreign concept to some that they can’t simply digest the idea, like:

One. Break up is never easy whether you are the dumper or the dumpee. But both parties have to relish the pain of what happened, what’s happening, and what will happen. Through this, both will be able to learn and charge everything to experience, thus love was not wasted at all.

Two. Live life to the fullest, thus “moving on” is subjective. For some it may be the so-called rebound, but to some it’s that unexplainable connection. If you meet someone just right after a break up and believes with your whole heart and soul that that someone is the ONE. Seize it. One wastes time with “what ifs”.  Time can never be taken back, so make it worth it. Make everything worth it.

Three. Chances are not dole outs. They are earned. If one has to go through hell just to earn one chance then it has to be done. These chances are ways to make things right, especially if they are given the second time around, especially the second time around.

Four. Answered prayers are miracles, not coincidences. Someone out there must have prayed all their life for someone like you and been waiting for you for a lifetime. Do not deprive the person of their wish by making them wait some more, most especially if you yourself prayed for the same thing.

Five. Monster chemistry happens.  Just the mere fact that you’re talking with each other, laughing at the most mundane things and even silence between the two of you will never be awkward. That just standing side by side can cause electric shocks all over your bodies and just because you’re with each other, no words are needed. Everything just eats you up. So next time, you may just need an itty bitty sign nearby that says “warning: high voltage, do not touch”.

Six. It needs to rain first before you see a rainbow. Pain is part of everything in human life. Pain even happens when you try to love. That pain should not be seen as a curse or a shadow that hounds you. It’s there to make sure that you will appreciate everything, from the littlest to the biggest when you love someone.

Seven. Emotional baggage will be an excess baggage if you let it become one. Yes, there will always be things like this, but it will always be your choice if you want to end it by throwing it all away OR sort each piece of emotion, throw away the “not needed” and just keep enough to remind you that you’re a person who is still capable of loving someone despite of everything you’ve been through.

Eight. Everyone deserves a piece of heaven, including you. Other people’s opinions and views are there, but they do not and should not make up your world. Your happiness does not come from other people’s choices, it comes from the choices you make and how you want to make things the way you want it to be. In Rihanna’s words, “don’t let the bastards get you down”.

Nine. No plan is a fool proof plan when you love. Everything goes haywire when you want it to be perfect, and everything just falls apart when you start building from bottom up. How do you deal with it? Ride with the tide, and roll with the punches. Everything will just fall into place. Keep the faith.

Ten. Perfect does not come in one size fits all. The perfect person is someone who is perfect for who you are and who you want to be when you are with the person you love.

I could only smile after each conversation, because each passing day my friend proves that some men will promise the moon and stars to the woman they love but will disappear at the slightest sign of storm.

For him, no moon or stars needed. He is willing to learn a different dialect, not to make an impression, but because it makes him happy to see her smile and blush when she reads his messages or hear him twist his words. He is willing to hang out with her folks, finds it cool to chat with her dad. He is willing to let her try new things like letting her take some shots of drinks and share a glass of Jack Daniels with her because that’s the way it should be for her, no boxes no constraints. He wants to travel with her to places that means to her,like have fun in the City of Smiles in October for MassKara Festival,bring her to Hong Kong to meet his folks and drive to the beach with smashing waves so they can surf together. And the moment he saw her play the guitar will be on repeat mode in his mind for a very long time.

More than anything else, he’s willing to give his all to make everything right this time, come hell or high water.

Because for him….she’s worth it.

 With all this, I say that love is celebrated when one becomes the best person that they can be once they find that love.

“I think that you can fall in love with maybe not hundreds of people but a handful and there is one that you want to really do that for a very long time with.”

-Rachel McAdams

viral

In lieu of the ongoing writer’s block virus with a scientific name: cursuranonmovingsa (this is a personal observation based on the increasing number of status messages in Facebook saying they have a writer’s block, including your’s truly),  to which I am also afflicted, I shall share a comment thread from my Facebook page, to where a conversation over the matter transpired all because of my oh so bright status message.

note: to protect our personal lives, I took the liberty of deleting our last names.

Kristina: writer’s block is becoming a trend. i just told a friend that maybe it’s a virus that people catch when they try to inhale deeply as they poised their hands on their keyboards to start typing away. it’s a sign. that it’s time to clean our keyboards guys.

• An hahaha! i am seriously feeling the gap between 2 sensible thought.
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• Kristina wahahaha!see see!!!the writer’s block virus is eating my brain to a pulp. glad my deadline is december and not october!whahaha!
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• An i feel you, journal writing and blogging– not as easy as it was before.
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• Kristina i know right. maybe we shouldn’t be eating in front of the computer, the food crumbs that fall into the keyboard’s crevices are creating some kind of mutated form organism due to the radiation from our monitors and creating they’re own city. yucky to think about it. heheheh!
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• An hahahaha! what an imaginative way to put it! guilty! and you know what… i think you are right mends, i think my very own microscopic city just voted their very own president.
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• Kristina waaaaah!we have to exterminate them!it’s our fault!the invisible creepy crawlies will eventually rule the keyboard world!exterminate!
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• An agree!!! hahaha this is funny. 🙂
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• Kristina i know right. maybe i should upload this convo in my blog. then end of the writer’s block!wahahaha!
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• Kristina i have to be OC: 2nd reply, box number 4, typo correction: “their” not “they’re”
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• An i am guilty of that most of the time, especially when i FB during work. haha 🙂
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• Kristina yeah, i should be writing and not doing FB. but seriously, not a drop of inspiration coming in. maybe because my mind is running a marathon right now with a speed of 300km per hour. everything is a blur. hahahaha!
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• An mine is usually empty til 3am. haha
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• Kristina hahahah!at least you got clean slate dear. mine’s a hodgepodge of everything. it’s telling me to put up an auto delete function for things i need to put in a bin. sort later, and try to restore whatever i need for later.
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• An hehehehe not really, i blame my raging hormones for those silly musings. 🙂
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• Kristina ah,don’t you just love being a girl. 😀 we can always have our hormones as the scapegoat for everything. 😀 hehehehe

Funny, we actually talked about something we can actually write about. Too bad it’s not fiction, something that I needed to write and turn in by December 24.

Thank you An, writer’s block definitely got killed by a dose of imaginative conversation.

PS: Bangkok Budget Trip soon!

update

been busy for the past 3 weeks with no time to update my blog.will definitely post and upload some stuff soon. my apologies. 😀

Too Close

Breathe…1….2….3…inhale…1….2…3…exhale…

I can do extremely well with things that usually needs patience of a monk (well, aside from Math, that’s a definite NO. I’ll hurl the freaking math book out the window after just 20 seconds of staring at a page just to rid myself of numbers that can make my head spin).

For a person to make me feel annoyed and makes me want to push a bag of rusted nails down his or her throat, that’s an achievement. Of course I won’t and instead I feel the need to reiterate these things to make them understand that the earth is not the center of the solar system, how much more themselves.

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m very friendly. But sometimes too close for comfort is very disconcerting.

1. Poke your nose somewhere.  I’m the type of person who doesn’t force out information from people I talk to. If you offer to tell your tale, I’ll listen. If you get an email while we’re talking, I’ll leave for you to read it.  If you get a call from someone,  I’ll excuse myself even if you won’t or maybe just turn my back just so you can talk on the phone. I’ll let you be.  I may be curious but I know how to respect a person’s privacy and I demand you do as well with mine. In short, if it ain’t for you, back off.

2. All hail Almighty! Just because I’m open to any type of conversation you think that I’m open to you speak about your self so high up above the clouds, that it seems you’ve become untouchable. I’ve just known you for days and counting for crying out loud! Let me tell you something. You breathe the same air as I do so does the rest of the Philippines. Half of the population’s fart smell like hell, so does your fart. There’s a difference though. Some of them have the decency not to talk  shit like you do. So unless you’re a self made billionaire, be mindful of your comments, don’t say anything that can afflict me with acid reflux.

3. Playback mode. We’ve just known each other for just like days. You need someone to listen to you. I’m a good listener, and I can give a good advise in return (if I may say so). However, if we’ve already talked about the topic for like the nth time within the hour, and we’re just going around in circles. We ought to stop. It ain’t healthy for you (coz I might wring your neck) and it ain’t healthy for me either ( I’ll die of popped arteries from explaining or I stab my neck with a .3 g-tech pilot pen ). If you think that since I’m a new friend I can wallow in misery with you, think again. I can only sympathize to a certain extent, properly and healthily. No. I won’t indulge your self pity, sorry to break your bubble.

4. Earth to you! I hate repeating my self. Makes me waste time and energy. I will if I really need to. If  I call out your name for like th umpteenth time  and you don’t give me as much as a shrug for acknowledgment I won’t bother you again. I will assume you are busy. In turn DO NOT pester me when I’m already doing something when we could have had the conversation fifteen minutes ago. Don’t think we’re close enough for me to drop everything I’m doing. I’m kind. But I’m not a saint.

5. What? to the 100th power. It’s okay to ask, I really don’t mind. But if you ask  me what I’m busy with each time you see the slightest move of my hand, I might actually drop on the floor and have a seizure. We have what we call “me” time.

I know I seem to give away my trust like it’s a freebie taped on a bag of powdered soap (either you get a free toothpaste or a minute soap that after one wash it just melts away down the drain), therefore people develop odd behaviours towards me. Like divulging too much information to make me feel privileged that they let me in on their secret life, manipulate my feelings into liking them on the first day when they can’t. Worst, ask too much question you don’t know how to politely answer.

It’s nice that people will go far and wide to show their best foot forward, but in the process of doing so they come too close it get’s claustrophobic. I’m a big girl I don’t like being confined in small spaces.

People shouldn’t force themselves too much just to be accepted for it deteriorates the purpose of letting someone know who they really are.  Who we are ain’t just for display. It’s meant to be shared, not forcefully, but gradually.

starting again

this is a test. here is my umpteenth attempt to try and write about anything i can think of. i think i really should try and keep this going.
test test test….hello world i’m here again.